Tuesday, November 21, 2006

A Bindle

I received a phone call from Alan Scherstuhl the other night. As noted earlier, it had been years since we had last spoken and now, after reuniting through Cousin Pete's Comedy City, the floodgates of communication are reopen. Years ago, I made it a habit of taping my phone conversations with Alan. Back then, I always had a feeling he would accidentally slip up and confess to a double-homicide, or something even more outlandish, and I would have the proof in case the feds came sniffing around and there was reward money in the picture. Upon listening to my voice mail and hearing his phone message requesting I return his call at once, I dusted off the old tape recorder. I hit record as he answered his phone:

Alan Scherstuhl: "Hello, Teel! Thanks for calling me back. I'll get to the point. I need a bindle. A bindle at once."

Mark Teel: "A bindle? As in what a hobo might use?"

A.S.: "Yes, a bindle. To be specific, a tattoo of a bindle. For my left buttock. To signify my thirtieth year. And my recent divorce. I'm a nomad, Teel. I must have a bindle on my ass, and you're the man for the job. It's of the grace of God that we've crossed paths again. Are you up for it? Say 'yes' or I'll hang up this phone."

M.T: "Okay. Just a bindle? Nothing else?"

A.S: "Yes, but it must be coming out of something. It can't be self contained. I mean, nobody sees a bindle just hovering there. It's gotta be in a bubble or something."

M.T.: "Oh, you mean, like, I could have a hobo carrying it or something? Or a hobo that looks like you? Or just y--"

A.S.: "No, no hobo. No people. Just the bindle. But not just hanging there. You don't see bindles just hanging there in mid-air, do you Teel?"

M.T.:"Well, no..."

A.S.: "What about the hole at the beginning of the Looney Toons?"

M.T.: "The one with Porky Pig coming out of it?"

A.S.: "Yeah, but with the hole closed. What if somebody were to stick that bindle outside of the hole seconds before it closed and left it hanging out? What about that?"

M.T.: "Okay, but it would look more like a big Tootsie Roll Pop coming out of a balloon."

A.S.: "That's fine. But just make sure it doesn't look like a lollipop. It's gotta look like a bindle or it'll just look ridiculous."

M.T.: "I can show you something by the end of the week. But what if Fred Phelps catches wind of this? He'll have his flunkies lined up for miles to protest. I mean, people might wonder what orifice this bindle is coming out from..."

A.S.: "Don't worry about Phelps. Leave that to me. Gotta go."


I was able to draw Alan what he wanted and emailed it to him. I hadn't heard back for a few days. About the time I forgot about it I received a check for $7.00 in the mail.


Anonymous leslie said...

Art on spec for 7 bucks??? Come on! But I like it (before I read the blog, I was like, "hmm, is that an anus? A sparkler?") I'm happy to see this come to fruition; Alan has indeed been looking for the right bindle for a couple years now.

OK, so now you two need to come up with a plan. I will stick to my end of the bargain and call Seitter when I hear word.

22 November, 2006  
Blogger mwt. said...

A ghost from my past! All I need is Seitter, a Kennedy, and a Sports Smack for my collection to be complete! mwt.

24 November, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


You magnificent son-of-a-bitch!

I never got a bindle e-mail, but I do have taste enough to check in over here once in a while, particularly on an icy miserable day like this when I'm relishing the fact that i *don't* have to go see "A Christmas Carol" tonight after all.

The idea of the Looney Tones oval is not that it's closed, and that the bindel sticks out like something a doctor would need a glove to administer, but that it's open, and that the bindle is the star of the cartoon, poking from it jauntily.

This is my curse: knowing exactly what my bindle should be, but lacking the ability to communicate it.

ANYWAY: after this next week, life calms down on our end, and Amy and I would love to take you up on the dinner offer. I'd love to meet your ladies.

What say you, Teel?

What SAY you?



29 November, 2006  
Blogger mwt. said...

I think that's a grand plan. Just grand! mwt.

29 November, 2006  

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